As a parent of an adult child with special needs, self care is a priority. The role of caretaker of a child with additional needs from birth until now takes its toll. If self care is a new concept for you, or one that you feel uncomfortable with, it will be more of a challenge to incorporate in your daily life. Many parents don’t realize how important they are to the people around them. They minimize their importance and maybe they don’t get much appreciation or validation from the adult child or other family members. After all, aren’t we doing what most parents would do if their child had been born with these issues?
After coming to terms with believing that you are important and that your health and well being matter the most in order to be able to care for this family member and plan for them, there are strategies for self care. Start small, with daily breaks, time out to rest, think, and plan. Self care doesn’t have to cost money. It can be a simple walk outside or lying on the bed to decompress. It can be taking a nap or eating a healthy meal.
If a parent has neglected their own needs for many years, and the child always came first then many parts of their lives begin to break down over time. It can be health related, financial or a neglected marriage. Many relationships fail after a child with special needs comes into the family. Raising a child alone is even more stressful than in a strained marriage. Parenting needs to be a team effort but often isn’t. One partner may feel that their needs are being overlooked by the other while the other partner is overstressed and unable to give much to the relationship.
Getting your priorities straight is a first step toward healing your own life. Your health has to be a top priority as well as your primary relationship. It’s better for your child if you aren’t always focused on their needs. Once this child is an adult there is a lot of old patterns that have been established already and are hard to break. Identifying the areas where you may have enabled them might help you get back on track. Forgive yourself for not being perfect. Forgive yourself for not having access to all the resources that may have helped in the past or didn’t exist when your child was young. Let go of perfectionism in the parenting department. Make time for yourself no matter how small that amount of time is. As time goes on you will improve your ability to read the signals in your body and mental health that tell you that you are beyond your own limits. Some problems can’t be fixed today and will have to be put aside. Other problems are manageable if you have the right information and resources. Support from others is key. It’s hard for some parents of neurotypical children to understand our circumstances. Begin today with one self care activity for 30 minutes and then make a daily practice of it.
